Social Anxiety

Social anxiety, we have all experienced it at least once. It is part of being a human to have a little bit of social anxiety.

Social anxiety can be simply defined as "the fear of interaction with other people that brings on self consciousness, feelings of being judged and evaluated etc." Social anxiety becomes a problem however when it is defined as "irrational" and when the person feels better alone; this is then defined at 'Social Anxiety Disorder' or 'Social Phobia'. Social anxiety disorder can lead to feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, embarrassment, humiliation and even depression. It can be triggered during almost any social situation, such as: being introduced to new people, being the center of attention, being watched while doing something, the list goes on - pretty much any situation you are not alone! Social anxiety disorder ultimately distorts your thinking; you start believing false ideas and negative opinions that may not even exist. The symptoms of social anxiety disorder are quite typical of an anxiety or panic attack; when placed in a social situation the person becomes sweaty, shaky, blushing, upset stomach, heart racing, confusion, anything else that reminds you of a panic attack really. You may notice that you have started to avoid social situations altogether, this is another sign/symptoms of this disorder. In the end, this disorder can interfere with your daily routine, whether that is school, work, social activities and friendships. I actually just read on the internet that social anxiety is the third most common mental disorder in the US and the second most common type of anxiety disorder. I mean, to really narrow down what caused your social anxiety disorder is tough to say, its like any other mental illness; could be biological, psychological or environmental. But the important thing to remember is that yes, it is normal to feel anxious in social situations, but when it begins to interrupt your daily and basic routine, then the issue needs to be addressed. There, there is a little background information on social anxiety disorder, now on to ME (no I am just kidding but I will share a few little stories to prove that anyone can suffer from it!).

Like I said, everyone has had at least one moment where they have felt a little anxiety around others. I very frequently suffer from social anxiety, which has come to a big surprise to most people as I am a very open and chatty individual. I think my constant desire to impress people has often led to many of my panic attacks. It is hard to say if the years of anxiety have caused my social anxiety or if it was always there from the get go, I do not know, but I do know that it has certainly affected my life many times.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a pretty strong individual, personality wise I guess. This hasn't always been good, my back talk, my sharp tongue and my argumentative nature have certainly caused me a few problems in the past but hey! I am always learning ways to better myself! But to look at someone like me and think that girl has a social phobia, that just wouldn't happen, I certainly do not fit the "profile" of someone with social anxiety. So what is this profile? Here comes the stigma train! Choo choo! We assume someone with social anxiety is shy, quiet, reserved, doesn't bother anyone, embarrassed easily, anyways I am sure you already have a basic idea in your head. You can not predict who has social anxiety just by looking at someone. It can often be very outgoing people who suffer the most because they fear negative opinions so much they have to talk themselves up! Anyways, the point I am trying to get at is, just like everything in life, do not assume just by looking at someone.

When I was first diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder, the first thing that went through my head, what will other people think of me? How will I look? Crazy? Insane? Do they think I am faking it? Am I faking it? Do I really have anxiety? Or is it something worse? My social anxiety lead to thoughts that became much worse then what people would think of me, and ultimately the overthinking is what would lead me in to my hypochondriac outlook on my anxiety.

I remember about a year and a half ago when I was suffering from agoraphobia (fear of going outside basically) that any human interaction made me feel sick. I had gotten so used to staying inside my apartment alone that any time I had to go talk to someone I would panic. If I had to go get groceries (which was always a struggle) I always felt really dizzy and I remember walking through the grocery store thinking "Oh my god everyone is looking at me, they know I don't want to be here. What if I pass out in front of everyone? Who will help me? I don't know anyone here what is going to happen?" So then often my grocery store visits would spiral out of control and I would have to rush home. I remember developing a huge fear to even talk to anyone on the phone, it almost became a phobia. I would miss appointments, I had issues with my insurance company, all because I did not want to talk to anyone on the phone. I kept thinking things like "what if they ask me a question and I do not know that answer, what will I do?" Honestly? Now that I am sort of reminiscing about the past, I can not believe how outrageous that all sounds, I can not believe I went through all of this.

I went from a big party animal to absolute fear of stepping foot in to a pub or restaurant. Part of it was the original anxiety and hypochondria but the rest of it was if something happened, what would people think? I became so concerned about how my condition would be viewed by others, and that certainly falls under the social anxiety category.

Even to this day I still have many situations of social anxiety. I have gone through the years assuming that my mental illness has been such a burden on my friends and family that I often do not want to involve people or "drag them down with me". I know it can be really frustrating to deal with. Often times if I am texting someone and they do not answer right away the first thought that comes in to my head is "Oh my god they probably think I am so annoying and so needy, they probably do not want to have to deal with me. They probably read the message and decided not to answer back. People do not actually like me, they just feel sorry for me, they feel obligated to be nice to me." I kid you NOT that is routinely what I think about. But I can say that I am working on it, and I am getting much better. As you can see (well if I know you in person) I am no longer agoraphobic. I am learning that most people in my life are genuinely concerned for me and whole heatedly do want to help me.

So, how exactly have I over come some of these social anxiety issues you may be wondering. I mean, this may sound like really obvious advice, but you have to FORCE yourself. Again you are probably thinking "um thanks TIPS I never thought of that," but the more you avoid something, how will it get better? Seriously, answer that question. If you keep avoiding something, how do you get over it? Well let me tell you, you can't. One of the most important therapies you may be offered is called 'exposure therapy' which I will discuss more in another blog about psychology therapies.

CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy will come in to play a lot as well. You must commit to repetition and practice; eventually you change your brain so that these methods become habitual and automatic.

One of the craziest things about social anxiety disorder, you have a fear basically of being around people, yet you NEED to be around people to get help. You need to seek counseling help, psychology help, someone that will help improve your self esteem and social skills. They will also help you to learn ways to relax such as deep breathing and meditation.

I know this is just a short little blog but I had a few recent events of pretty bad social anxiety and I thought to myself, "I will bet there are so many people out there who actually think the same as me, I want them to know they are not alone." You are not alone. You are never alone!

****Please keep in mind....I am currently working a midnight shift and it is almost 5 am and I am a little out of it...so I apologize if some of my sentences do not make sense! I am going to read this tomorrow and probably laugh!