It's a new year folks...

I don't know about you guys but my holidays are absolutely flying by; there just never seems to be quite enough time to see everyone! I had to work over Christmas this year so I did not actually celebrate until the 27th so everything seems very crammed right now. That being said, the New Year is literally right around the corner and I am busy compiling a small list of all my New Years resolutions! There seems to be a large number of tasks on my list but I am staying confident that 2017 will be a great change!

If you are like me and you find motivation something very difficult to hold on to, then creating a New Years resolution list might be a good idea to try! And if you can find enough motivation you can even get really creative and make it in to a craft! You could make a fancy journal, or a booklet, or even a big chalkboard, whatever will be easiest and most appealing to you when you look at this list for encouragement!

2016 was an extremely rough year for me; I think I can safely say that it topped the list of bad years in my life. I know I know it sounds extremely pessimistic of me to say that but it was a bad year. I had to take a leave of absence at my job from February to June because it got to the point where I could no longer function. What I mean is I could no longer eat, sleep, exercise or even think straight. It was at the point where I was sleeping maybe 30 minutes a night, suffering from anywhere between 1 to 10 panic attacks a day. I had to rely on taking an Ativan almost every night just to be able to somewhat function the following day. I often had to bundle up in a blanket and sit outside on my parents front porch at 3 in the morning in the snow just to try and shock my system out of the panic attack (cold is very good to shock the system, keep that in mind). I was barely eating; my mom had to force feed me smoothies throughout the day which I still barely got through. Over the months I had developed fibromyalgia; basically just a fancy word for overall, unable to diagnose, body pains. It is almost like having the flu, where you have excruciating body aches, anything that touched my arms or legs would be painful. Because of my lack of exercise and movement my chronic hip pains also resurfaced to the point where I was unable to even walk up and down the stairs. Everything just became a never ending cycle, I was too exhausted to eat, but I needed to eat to exercise, and I needed to exercise to ease the pain, and I needed the pain to ease to be able to sleep. Eventually the doctor increased my dose of medication just enough that I was able to be free of the body pains. I was able to start eating a little more during the day and was able to sleep a few hours during the night. But perhaps the biggest accomplishment was decreasing my use of Ativan; I have a giant fear of becoming so dependent on that medication. Finally at the beginning of June I felt I was ready to start working again. Since then I have slowly been working towards adding in more shifts but there will always be a fear of returning to that state; that will be my biggest goal for the New Year and the coming years of my life, to never let my self get to that state of health ever again.

On a less serious note, what big plans do you all have or want to accomplish this year? Anything new and exciting? Something you have been planning for a while but just can't seem to get around to it? Well let me tell you, and not to freak you out, but life is short. I know it sounds scary but its meant to motivate you; there is no time like the present! What could you possibly be waiting for? I have learned that there is never "the right time" for anything. Use this New Year as the biggest motivation and push for yourself to finally make that big step.

If you are like me, exercise is always on my resolution list. I have heard a few people already complaining about how the gym is going to be backed up for the month of January and slowly teetering down to normal come Easter time. I am sure as an avid gym go-er the New Year can be slightly frustrating but some of us really need a push like the coming of a New Year to get us motivated to start our journeys. So for all of us either just starting our work out journeys or for those who already consistent at the gym, try to be supportive and understanding of each other. Maybe instead of complaining how the gym is crowded with a bunch of newbies , maybe you could offer to coach or help them! And same goes for the newbies, instead of just wandering around the gym taking up unnecessary time with the free weights, go out and ask for some help from the veterans; I am sure most of them would be more then happy to help you.

I also really plan on getting my stomach fixed this year. I have gone my entire life sitting in constipation, literally.......I know that sounds gross but its true! I am at the point where everything I eat causes some form of stomach pain, sometimes I can't even eat a banana and my stomach swells up like a balloon! I have already started to be pretty proactive in figuring out what the hell is going on so this year I will keep going on this path and get everything sorted out!

A really tough goal for me is to decrease my phone and social media time! So when I say this I am absolutely not including my gaming time, I consider that to be something totally separate. I am talking about mindlessly surfing the social media sites, this includes Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, the works. So many time before bed I find myself just watching utter nonsense, scrolling through complete garbage for hours on end because I can't fall asleep; what an absolute WASTE. Like come on, that is just silly. Instead, I need to be more proactive in putting the phone down and maybe finishing the 50 novels on my book shelf that have yet to be read. Social media certainly has its benefits, but like anything in life there is a time and place for it. Mindlessly scrolling through workout photos at 2 in the morning and wishing I looked like that is probably not something I should be putting my time towards.

This year, 2017, I am going to finally get off my medication. I have to. I am getting extremely close to stabilizing my current self on medication so I think it is safe to say I am getting equally as close to start the weaning process! I may not get off the medication 100% but I absolutely am going to start. This entire process, I am already gearing myself up for a mini hell (okay I am sure that is a little dramatic but hey, gotta be somewhat realistic here!). The withdrawals are going to be pretty rough but we are going to take it really slow, maybe even stretch the schedule out over a year.

Well, I think that sums up the BIG plans on my list. I have many minor tasks that are on there but I don't really need to list.

Honestly, make your list as big or as short as you want; it is YOUR list, your goals, your journey. No one else can have a say about you "taking on too much" or making unattainable goals. If you believe you can do it, "Then make it so" (Star Trek quote). However, do keep in mind that no goal should be easy to attain, then what would be the point? They always say that anything meaningful worth having requires effort and work, and you can apply that to anything in your life. Your goal should have a game plan, steps, things you have to keep up on, that's what will make it worth all that work in the end.

I hope everyone is enjoying their holidays and I wish you all the best of luck in the New Year. Lets go 2017!!!!!